Blog guilt

I feel like I haven't had much time lately to post. Maybe I've lacked the focus to do so. I had a goal to post at least every other day when I first started this thing, and I've been feeling guilty about it. Or rather, about not meeting my goal. But do I need to feel guilty? I'm no professional blogger, I make no pretentions about that. I know why I'm here and what I want to do with my tiny corner of the web, but there are only so many hours in a day. (I really need to try sneaking in a few posts while I'm at my day job sometime.)

To crunch my time even further, I joined a gym on Tuesday. I went twice and am realllly sore today. And tired! I'm actually sitting here in my bed at 10 pm, something this night owl almost never does! Hopefully this time I'll stick with it for more than a few weeks, and that promise of more-energy-through-regular-exercise will actually come through for me.

I really do want to make more of an effort here though. I just need to remind myself that not every post has to be wonderful. Sometimes the best a person can do is say "Hello, I'm here." Sometimes it's enough to just show up.

Hi, my name's Christy....

Here's a little background on me: I've always wanted to be an artist, I even majored in it at college for a time, but never really "got there." I'm sure there are several factors at play - lack of support from my immediate circle; I was already working full-time when I was a student and besides my priorities were way out of whack back then; a certain amount of laziness and procrastination, not to mention a complete lack of belief in myself - I could go on. Suffice to say, it's something that's been gnawing away at the back of my conscious all these years. The urge to create, to get the ideas in my head out there on the paper. Not to force my vision upon others, but to bring it into the physical so that I can see it more clearly myself. There are few things that make me happier than a beautiful piece of art, or even a not-so-pretty piece that gets inside my head and makes me think.

I've learned this past year that as long as I keep fighting my dreams to be what others expect me to be, what "makes sense," I will continue to be miserable. If I want to truly be happy, which I do, I need to be fully myself. I could continue on in this world just trying to get through, like millions of people do, just keep working at jobs I don't really want to make not really enough money to afford what I want and dull my brain with tv and celebrity news and shopping and all the other drugs of the masses, and be unfulfilled and unhappy. Or, I could take the risks, strive for what I dream, take the odds of failing and having to concede and go back to working at jobs I don't really want, etc., and be unhappy because I failed. Either way, end result being the same, at least in the second scenario I tried. And, what if, just what if, in the second scenario, I don't fail? I have to hold onto that hope.

So, this year, I am working toward my dream. Wish me the best!

Happy New Year!

Ok is it weird that one of my new year's resolutions is to start a blog? I wasn't even going to do resolutions this time around....why set myself up for something that the odds are stacked against? The whole tradition of them is all about how they usually don't stick, right? Well....maybe I shouldn't consider this or anything else a resolution then. Let's be positive here for start! I'll call them intentions....how new-agey is that? This is my declaration to express myself more in 2009. Here's to the ride....Cheers!