Moving to new blog

Hi all, just wanted to say that I've done what I've been thinking of doing for a couple months, and started a new blog, ::At The Studio Door:: I will use the new blog to focus on my progress as I grow my body of artwork and set up a venue to sell my work.

I will still keep this blog around, although I can't promise I'll post with any regularity. That focus will go to the other blog, since one of the reasons I'm doing it is to keep myself on track creatively. I know I haven't been consistent with this blog at all, a lot of that has to do with lack of focus of what I want to say here. I've never been all that happy with the name either (an inside joke between my brother and I). But the journaling aspect of this blog has helped me sort some things out, whether that came across on these pages or not. I'm trying to keep the new blog positive....And I'll need some place to come and vent my frustrations about all kinds of things, so I'll be around :-)

Come on over and visit me in my new cyber home, atthestudiodoor.blogspot.com, and see what I've got cookin over there. My goal is to post there 3 times a week....Wish me luck!

Time is a limited resource...

...and, like all resources, should be spent wisely. This is something that I need to keep my focus on in the coming days. What is the best way for me to spend my time - will my actions help me move incrementally towards my goals, or away from them? Shall I distract myself from my frustrations with mere entertainment, or will I look inward and pull from deep down the resolve to stay focused, ever moving forward on my right path?

I'm here...

...and all moved in to my new apartment. As of three weeks ago, this place is my own - well, with one cat that's still unsure of this place. I felt like a visitor here at first, and I'm still waiting on a bookcase that will be given to me but isn't quite ready for me yet, but I'm mostly unpacked and ready to do something creative! Only...it's been so long since I've done any artwork that I'm at a loss for what to do? The muse has been kept at bay with weeks upon weeks of searching, applying, packing, unpacking, purchasing, exhausting myself... Maybe if I start sorting through some materials, inspiration will strike :-)

I just signed up for another e-course.... hmm, is this going to become a habit?





I'm so excited I'll be joining Marisa of Creative Thursday for her second running of her "In The Fishbowl" class! It's all about navigating the waters of being an artist online. I think I'm jumping the gun here yet again, as I'm still struggling to make time for making art, and nowhere near having a career with this yet, but the opportunity is too good to pass up. And the other class I'm taking now - A Course in Trust, which I'm still not too sure about actually, but then again that is probably my "trust issue" speaking - this week's class talked about trusting yourself and your instincts. Thinking about the In The Fishbowl class makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and energized, and that is the very feeling that I'm supposed to be following, no?





Amazingly the class begins late September, which is about the time that I should be fully moved/settled in and studio area outfitted, and more than ready to begin my creative adventures in my new space. A cosmic line-up to be sure!

Moving right along....

Hey there - Yes I know, three weeks have passed and where are those photos I promised to post? Well after spending 3 or 4 days of spare time to delete the photos that didn't turn out so well, and rename them so I'd remember later exactly what was I doing in that shot?, I still haven't uploaded them or emailed them to any family & friends either, so this little bloggy blog here isn't the only one lacking marvelous pictures of my trip!

I actually have my hands full at the moment with apartment hunting and slowly packing, trying to get a handle on my issues at the Day Job (tardies, lack of motivation, etc.), carving out some little (very little) time for my artwork, and I think I just might have to re-do this blog here anyway. I've been thinking that I need to have a landing page for my artwork, not just my thoughts about life & stuff, and I don't want to be here linking about the stylish this or that found on the interwebs like everyone else does (because I love you all and already read your blogs, so why do I need to duplicate what you've already got working so well?) so....

Once I move, and have an actual studio area set up for myself, I plan to set up a separate blog to post more regularly about my daily adventures in exploring my creativity. I'm not going to abandon this page here, but the best thing about this page for me has always been getting my thoughts out of my head and out there somewhere. So that is what I'll be focusing on for Ninja Haiku in the future (and then I won't have to worry about the fact that nobody reads this page LOL).

Until then, maybe the occasional post here and there about my struggles (omg why do a quarter of the apartments ads on craigslist appear to be scams of one sort or another????)... take care!

Summer Vacation

I just got back from a trip to Sedona, AZ... talk about a magical place! It's hard to describe the beauty of nature up there, how amazing the famous Red Rocks are. I'm already missing it! Within half an hour of getting to my accommodations there in the Village of Oak Creek, I knew that I would have to return someday. I can imagine myself living there, that's for sure!

I took many, many pictures, and have much more to tell about the trip.... will post more when I get the chance!

Clearing

The past couple weekends I've been clearing out some of the stuff I have stored in the garage. Isn't it funny how we can go along our days just fine without some things (that we've virtually forgotten we own) but as soon as those things are brought back out into the light of day and headed for the garbage, we can't bear the thought of letting them go?

In the process I found 2 boxes filled with financial paperwork going back as far as 1994! So many of pages had my social security number, contact info, even account numbers that are still active. So I started shredding like crazy. It's been taking forever, my poor little shredder keeps getting overheated, and I'm still not done! Isn't it crazy that we all have to be afraid to throw anything away because identity thieves might find it?

Note to self: sign up for electronic statements for all my accounts. Stop the paper madness!

Weekend pictures

Over the weekend about a dozen irises bloomed on the plant in our backyard... Here are a couple of the shots I got on Sunday of them in all their glory! Too bad these flowers don't last much longer than a day, as they are so pretty. By this evening when I looked again not a shred of the flowers remained aside from one shriveled petal!

Blast off!

One of my recent posts has completely disappeared! How is this even possible - has anyone seen this kind of thing happen before?

Anyway, I had left a little update last week about the class that I'm taking, it's called Blast Off and it's for artists who want to take their career to the next level. So far it's been a lot of envisioning and goal-setting and checking in on where we are right now.

Anyone reading this blog would probably be able to tell, I'm nowhere near where I want to be. Heck, I'm nowhere close to where these other students in the class are! It's entirely possible I'm taking this class prematurely. But, I'm not getting anywhere on my own. I am really hoping that this will help me build a foundation to get on that pathway, to get to my dream life. And if I can stick with it, and use these tools to help me do that, it'll be well worth the investment.

Let's see where this takes me!

New project

This Treasury is on today's front page of Etsy..... It evokes the same kind of feeling I'm hoping to get with a new project I'm working on (just bought the materials yesterday!) It's a fabric piece with embroidery, embellishments, etc., and if it goes well I will make it into a product line, as I already have lots of ideas for other works in the same vein!

You can only do so much, so make the most of what you do

Wonderful quote from Alyson Stansfield's Art Marketing Action Newsletter, and one that I need to continously remind myself:

Remember that you’re human. You can’t do it all. But
you can look at the available options and prioritize. Figure out what is the best use of your time at any moment.

How was your Memorial Day weekend? Mine was relaxing.... I tried very hard not to pressure myself over my (percieved) lack of productivity, since that it just counter-productive. I did scan lots of pages from the sketchbooks I've had over the years. Funny but for an "aspiring artist" I sure don't sketch all that much. Of course I've heard the advice "sketch every day", I really should try it. Hey, maybe I could even upload sketches to the Moleskine community pages?







I went to the beach on Monday, capturing snapshots of the surfers and other beach-goers. Here are a couple of the better images. They never turn out as good as the scenes look in real life.... Like with that railing I sat behind which is getting in the way of so many of the pics I took! I'll have to give myself the project of cropping & enhancing the photos....

Nothing is original

Quote first seen on one of my newest favorite blogs, emptyspaces (reading his blog is like experiencing poetry through sight, memory, and dreams - thank you, deartroy! I hope you don't mind):

“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work(and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery-celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from-it’s where you take them to.” - Jim Jarmusch

The Newest "i" - the Clayton iHouse

Today Yahoo had an article about a pre-fab home called the iHouse, just put on the market by Clayton Homes. It's green, baby! and oh, so stylish.......



The detached "flex" room could be used as a home office, studio, etc......Oh, to have a home with a studio right out back! I think this is my new fantasy....



A big fan of the iHouse has created a fanblog with some good info, if you're interested he's planning to tour one of the models and will post a review in a few weeks.

Checking in

I can't believe it's been (almost) a whole month since I've posted! It's seemed like such a big hassle. I always feel like I should be posting while at my day job, since I'm just wasting my time there anyway, but then I get paranoid that someone will catch me. And once I get home, it seems like I should do something more productive first, and I run out of time. Why do I always run out of time, it seems like nobody else I know has this kind of problem here in the hyper-multi-tasking-fast-moving Silicon Valley, but hey that's probably just my perception, right? Maybe I should start bringing my little netbook with me so I can blog away during my lunch breaks once in a while. Hmm, need to get a case for it so I can carry it with me....

To be honest, I'm not even sure what my future plans are for this little blog here. I'm still looking into setting up some kind of store on Etsy, hopefully with original artwork and collages and some prints too. And I'm toying with the idea of having a blog that will match my etsy store name (once I've decided on a name!) and leaving this here for my occasional rants and raves.

Oh well, stay tuned. Something interesting's bound to happen....

Vacation mood worn off already!

I took a mini-"vacation" this past weekend - really more of 2-1/2 days in the country with nothing at all to do but decompress from the pressures of real life. Already I am sick to death of being back at work. This happens every time I go away - I have ONE day back where I am in a more positive mindset, and then the second day *BOOM* - it's like I never left at all. The depression and anger all return. Because really, what can a few days away solve? Everything I dislike, all of my struggles, my feelings that I am not living my life the way I should, they're all still here. The only thing to do, and this is SOOO long overdue, is to change my situation in any and all ways that I can.

This week, I'm putting the charge upon myself to look into setting up a store on Etsy. I'm the kind of person who needs to look around, research, look around some more, dip a toe in, retreat, and then maybe jump in slowly. No diving for this girl! But, the sooner I set up a store the better. Been wanting to for a couple of years now - since I first heard of Etsy - and told myslef I would do it after I was "more ready". Well, I'm never going to get myself "more ready" until I have the need to, notwithstanding my recent jump in productivity in my artwork. The way I'll create the "need" to get down to business? Um, yeah, set up a store already! Then I won't have an excuse anymore.

Weekend away

I'm going out of town today for a three-day weekend..... I know I've been more or less ignoring this blog lately. Perhaps the time away will recharge my batteries enough that I return with renewed dedication.... I have been working on my art quite a bit, have been developing a new technique, and spending quite a lot of time actually after work and the last couple weekends. The last 2 or 3 weeks have kind of passed in a blur. I'll post some pics when I have a chance.... I likely won't be around any wifi hotspots during the trip and my camera's already packed, so I'll just have to leave you with that teaser!

Artist Studio

I love seeing what an artist's studio looks like, almost as much as watching art in motion. It stirs this feeling of possibility within me, that I'm seeing a place of creation, and I wonder what might I possibly create myself if I had such a space of my own.



Today I saw the temporary studio of San Jose resident David Choe, who is currently in China preparing for a show. Reading through his blog today for the first time, David has this hybrid of street and studio art that I've been seeing all over the place in the last 3 years or so. This time it was brought to my attention by Village Savant, the voice of Anno Domini gallery, which I think I originally found through my local newspaper (whose own Arts & Entertainment blog has devolved into posts about video games and concerts...seriously you'd think the third-largest city in California would have a more sophisticated newspaper and readership, wouldn't you?) They're all about the local art scene here in San Jose & the greater Bay Area....I wish I was more of a participant in what's going on in galleries and stuff, but like David says in this video, nobody goes to museums anymore. The last time I was in a gallery or museum was a school field trip. I should do something about that....

Introducing Ninjette

Who is Ninjette? Why, she's the mascot of this site, my alter-ego if you will. She's a little hard to pin down - especially lately - and to date there have been no sightings of her. I've been meaning to invite her to this party for a while, but the invitations have been getting lost in the mail. You know, from the lack-of-pinning-down thing.

Ninjette has some words of wisdom to impart, and I've got the first contribution from her here.

Seen in my gmail inbox today, another reminder that I need to figure out what to do about my day job!

"Nobody can be successful if he doesn't love his work, love his job." - David Sarnoff

Blog guilt

I feel like I haven't had much time lately to post. Maybe I've lacked the focus to do so. I had a goal to post at least every other day when I first started this thing, and I've been feeling guilty about it. Or rather, about not meeting my goal. But do I need to feel guilty? I'm no professional blogger, I make no pretentions about that. I know why I'm here and what I want to do with my tiny corner of the web, but there are only so many hours in a day. (I really need to try sneaking in a few posts while I'm at my day job sometime.)

To crunch my time even further, I joined a gym on Tuesday. I went twice and am realllly sore today. And tired! I'm actually sitting here in my bed at 10 pm, something this night owl almost never does! Hopefully this time I'll stick with it for more than a few weeks, and that promise of more-energy-through-regular-exercise will actually come through for me.

I really do want to make more of an effort here though. I just need to remind myself that not every post has to be wonderful. Sometimes the best a person can do is say "Hello, I'm here." Sometimes it's enough to just show up.

Dance in the Rain

This has been around before, but I saw this quote today and thought it was apropos. Between economic storms, personal storms, and trying to rework my career - something a whole lot of people are going through right now - seeing this in my inbox first thing this morning put a happy spin on my day.

• "Life's not about how to survive the storm, it's about how to dance in the rain." - author unknown

Happy Clouds

Artist Stuart Semple set some "Happy Clouds" afloat over London this weekend in collaboration with the Tate Modern museum. Made out of some kind of soap mixed with helium, these pink-y happy faces can be seen floating around in video on Stuart's site, and please stick around to check out his other artworks. You can also catch an interview of him on Telegraph.


Stuart says, "I've had enough of the doom and gloom in the air and I wanted to show something completely positive floating up to the sky. This was the most straight forward way I could think of to literally contribute something happy to the atmosphere. I'm hoping it might put a smile on a few people's faces as they go through their day." Mr. Semple, I believe you have!

And for anyone who's thinking they'd like to get some fluffy soap bubble shapes flying around their neck of the woods, see how they do it at Flogos. (Thanks to buzzfeed reader Meghan for the link).

Weekend works

This past weekend I was unusually productive with my artwork, even in the midst of fighting a cold, doing early spring cleaning, getting back on the yoga wagon, etc. It felt really good to get so much done! See messy work area above....Here's a peek at what I accomplished....I need to scan these or take better pictures though, I'm not happy with the lack of detail on these pics.


This is a test for the patterns I'll be making on a larger canvas that I've already prepped with background colors. I kind of like this one just as it is though! Sort of raw and unstudied.



This is a tiny canvas, just 3" x 4"! For fun, really. I need to go back and sharpen the dark pink veining.



This was totally experimental, a salvage of a horrible attempt at a butterfly flitting around in the sky, not sure what I was thinking there! I'd had this thought in the back of my head for months about sewing into a stretched canvas, so I thought, why not do that here? I just sewed the yarn on randomly....then painted the bowl & objects in over the original image. Still needs some work, but I'm rather liking the broken look in some of the areas where the yarn passes through.


This is "Turquoise Seas," I've been working on it for a while. Changing and changing the colors to get the right combo. I think this will be one of those paintings that never feel finished. I can always change "just this one thing," right? I need to be done with this soon for my sanity!



And this was my happiest surprise, totally unplanned and off-the-cuff. This pic does not do it justice at all. It's really happy feeling piece in person, for some reason I couldn't really capture that mood with the camera. I'm thinking a ladybug or two would be perfect to complete this.

That's all I have for now!

Non Sans Droit

I'm not sure why but I've always been drawn to artwork in which the subject's faces have been obscured in some way. Veiled, X-ed out, covered up, or removed. I love the sense of mystery conveyed and the shock given to the observer.

Somewhat like in the drawings above, wherein apparently a coat-of-arms stands in for each face. These are by Maya Hayuk....I wish there were more of them, but didn't see any others on her site. If you like the way she's portrayed the hairstyles here, go check out her work "Hair Totems" as well.

"Non Sans Droit, Vol. 1-6" by Maya Hayuk, originally seen on desire to inspire.

* P.S. I have materials for several collages that have been sitting on the sidelines, waiting for me to work on them. They are in the vein of what I described above - when they're finished, I'll have to post them here. Hopefully sooner than later!

A whole week has gone by...

...and I haven't even visited the blogosphere once. I've been fighting this cold, swamped at work, and too tired to think about it once I get home. Sorry for the lack of updates!!!

I wonder if anyone out there is watching my blog for new posts. In all honesty, I've been to scared to look into whether or not anyone's even visited my blog. All I know is that I've been writing this blog mainly for myself, as an outlet, and haven't let myself think too much about an audience. I still think of this blog as an experiment... I'm not sure when/if it will get up to the level of all those wonderful blogs I read and admire, but I certainly hope that one day, not too far off, I'll get there.

On that note, I'd better get to work on more posts! If you're out there, please check back later today, when I'll have something fun posted, I promise!

Vacay's Over

Got back today from my trip to the Central Coast here in California. It was lots of fun, we did a lot of sightseeing, and even the rain on Friday and today didn't get in our way. Neither did the cold I came down with yesterday! I was hoping to come back with lots of pictures, but towards the end of our second day my camera's battery died, and I hadn't brought the cord to charge it. But I did get some good pictures in Morro Bay and San Luis Obispo. Hopefully C., my travel companion, will send me the pictures she took. I say hope, because she still hasn't sent me pics from our last trip about a year ago!

Here are a few of the better pics I got this weekend. Enjoy!


The famous rock in Morro Bay.


An old-style wooden boat coming in to dock as we were getting ready to leave Morro Bay.


Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa - you can't see from this angle, but the entry was taped off for some restoration work.


Another shot of the Mission, located in downtown San Luis Obispo (SLO)


Park between the Mission and some of the restaurants in downtown SLO

Long Weekend

I'm going out of town tomorrow! Four nights away on the central coast of CA....a little fun in the rain (where's that heatwave we just had the other week? I could use it now!) Three days off from work, which is fine since we're slow right now - thanks, economy! I'll be doing my part to try to inject a little cashflow into the hotel and retail industries during the trip :-)

A use for those old cassette tapes...

...you know, those relics of the 80's that you may or may not have lying around your home. Has anyone seen these on designboom? Well, people have been making bowls and ashtrays out of vinyl records for years, it's about time someone came up with this idea:



Looking at these I want to make a few myself! If only I hadn't finally thrown my old mixtapes away a couple years back. Luckily, none of us have to figure out how to make these ourselves, we can simply buy one at designboom's store.

A little Ozzy, anyone?

How fast can you change?

They say if you try to make too many changes at once, they won't stick. Is this really true? Well I've been trying to make lots of changes so far this year. And while I'm finding that it is true I've lacked the appropriate focus necessary to change one habit while attempting to change many at once, there is a change taking place within me. So maybe, just maybe, it is possible - not in actions, but in attitude. And I'm finding that I am looking at things a little bit differently each day, with a greater impetus to make those changes happen. And, any lasting change comes from first changing your frame of mind, doesn't it?

Lessons Learned

Lately it seems I've been learning some things about life that I probably would have learned earlier, if only I'd been paying attention. Now that I am (paying attention, that is), I thought I'd catalog my findings as they come about. Without further ado, here is Life Lesson #1:

~If you consistently underestimate how much time it takes to get ready or get somewhere, you will always be late. Denying the length of prep time won't make the clock miraculously stop for you.

Tiredness

I haven't been posting consistently lately. Between work drama and home drama, I haven't been making the time for things I NEED to do for myself. Like yoga...art...eating healthy....Don't even ask me why I'm still awake right now, I should be in bed. Oh schedule, where have you gone?

SF Half Marathon

Today was a beautiful day up in San Francisco! The weather was exceptionally clear and warm for a winter day. The Kaiser-Permanente San Francisco Half Marathon was going on, I drove up there with my friend Am. to watch my cousin C. and her friend M. walk. It was great to see her accomplish thirteen miles! And it couldn't have been a better day for it.

Afterwards, Am. and I went to Fisherman's Wharf and hung out, had lunch and rode around on bicycles. It was nice and warm in the sunshine, the perfect day. I'm hoping I'm not sore tomorrow from all the biking - I don't think I've been on a bike since junior high! I kinda felt like a kid again, which is always a great feeling :-)

Check out these pictures I caught at the pier - Alcatraz and the Bay. Don't you wish you'd been there too?

Speed of Time

This week's going by pretty fast. Why does time speed up, going faster and faster each year; they say youth is wasted on the young but maybe it's time that's wasted on them. The closer you are to the end, the quicker it goes by. My birthday's coming up in a couple of weeks, it always makes me think about how much I haven't done yet.

This weekend, I need to make time for my art....Haven't had much "quality time" with my paints or collages in weeks.

Use your ninja training

Today my father said something to me I find hilariously coincidental: "Use your ninja training." Now, he has no idea I have a blog with Ninja in the title (or a blog at all, perhaps he may not even know what a blog is). Of course he was joking. We were talking about my struggles as a night owl to wake up early with the rest of the working crowd. I literally feel like my brain does not turn on before 10 am. Anyway he was talking about structure and discipline, which is one of the things I was thinking of when I named this blog. They are traits I haven't developed much, and would very much like to, in the way that it would help me to accomplish the things I'd like to do with my life. To have a schedule of when I'm going to work on my artwork, and stick to it, not to mention my other goals.

I'm trying to shift my schedule back, wake up & get to The Job earlier, so as to leave earlier and have more day left in my day. As someone told me recently, you can get a lot more done between 4 & 8 pm, than between 6 & 10 pm - it's just a psychological thing, I guess. Maybe have more time for my art. I haven't had much energy to work on anything in days. I'm actually in bed right now and it's not even 10 pm yet! (That is soooo not me!)

Tracking Obama's Promises

President Obama made a lot of promises during the campaign, promises which all who voted for him would like to see him keep. Or, I suppose if you voted for the other guy, you'd like to watch him fail. A few newspapers are keeping score on their websites, I'm liking the one at PolitiFact by the St. Petersburg Times, dubbed the "Obameter": easy-to-digest summaries of each promise and how well he's doing on them. I like the slider graphics too. Looking good so far, for one week in office, I'd say. Go, Obama, go!!!

The Obameter: Tracking Barack Obama's Campaign Promises

100-Meter Photo

"We're All Gonna Die - 100 Meters of Existence"

When I started this blog I intended it to partly be about art, and the world around us, but all I've been posting so far is about me. How selfish!

Here's something new - something about every one of us. A couple days ago on another blog I followed a link to the work of Simon Hoegsburg. Take a look at this incredible photo! 100 meters worth of people-watching from a bridge in Berlin. The aim is to show us the humanity we all share. Something about it makes me want to walk right into the photo!

I don't remember where I found the link to his work, but this is definitely worth sharing.

http://www.simonhoegsberg.com/

Change has come....

Yesterday we celebrated the inauguration of our new president, and hopefully a new era in both this country and the world. Everywhere, people were watching their tv's and internet streams to see this magnificent event. As I walked into work, many of my coworkers were already gathered around the tv in our reception area to watch. I watched as well, to hear Obama's fine speech and feel the hope in the room around me. I floated in a cloud of happiness the rest of the day....

Oh where oh where is my mind....

I lost my latest post! It was here in my head, I swear. I can't remember anything for longer than 5 minutes anymore! Oh well, it was just going to be a voiced frustrated over something. Maybe about how my "real" life is squeezed into just a few short hours after The Job. I did paint for awhile tonight after dinner, amazingly....It's usually difficult for me to get into the artistic frame of mind once I'm finally home. The piece I'm working on right now I'd started this summer. I put it away for a few months because I got to the point I had to "fix" everything. I'm going for fields of flat color with precise edges, which can never be precise enough for me. I pulled it out to work on again this weekend and I'm nearing the end, or so I think, when I start noticing all the edges that are not quite right....Maybe I'll set it aside again for a while so I don't overwork it! I'll have to post a pic soon (btw the collage WIP I'd posted two weeks ago? Not much more has been done with them since. I'm currently trying to flatten them, they'd warped a bit during gluing.)

"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." - Epictetus

Out sick

"We interrupt your regularly scheduled week to bring you the flu. Please return home and be sure to drink plenty of fluids. Also, do not worry about how flaky you look to your employer when you are unable to finish out a full week back at work after your 'I need time off from work to de-stress' vacation."

Kind of funny that just a few short days back at the job (days that seemed to take forever), my allergies kicked back into high gear, my back pain creeped back in, and I became violently ill. What more needs to happen before I get the message? I need to make some changes here....

Work sucks

I've been back at work for a only 3 days, and I can say I am completely over it already. Working in an office sucks!!!! I can remember when I was young, I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I did know that I did NOT want to work in an office. I still recall when the movie Working Girl came out, how appalled I was at the depiction of corporate life and wanted to avoid that life at all costs....well no, I guess not at all costs, because I started working in an office with my second job and have stayed in offices ever since. I didn't watch American Idol last night, but I heard there was one auditionee with many tattoos who apparently got those tats so that she'd never be able to work in an office. I kind of admire that!

I guess it's not just the job itself that sucks so much, it's that I feel I really don't fit in. Now I've had jobs where I really liked the people I worked with, and didn't want to leave because of them. I am so not feeling the same vibe here! Every day I get such a strong feeling that I really should be elsewhere. Not just that I'd rather be somewhere else, but also that nobody would mind so much if I just quit. Stupid corporate jobs and coworkers who only accept people who are exactly like them! Sorry, I just don't want to spend hours talking about manicures and hair appointments and day spas and how many expensive restaurants I've been to.... Or shop at Nordstrom and buy Coach purses and conduct silent Instant Messaging schemes with *the right* coworkers about how to avoid and exclude *the wrong* coworkers.....Do these people not realize this isn't a sorority? Jeez......

Perhaps I should just thank the Universe for reminding me every day about how I don't fit in here, and let it light a fire under my butt to find another job. Now can somebody remind me why I didn't work on my resume during my vacation? Oh yeah, because I wasn't thinking about work at all then! :-)

Blog Layout

Oooh wow I just saw how sad my blog looks on my desktop computer at work.....a lot greener than I thought! It looks more gray on my laptop at home....actually it's called a "netbook".....I love my new netbook! It's so pretty and small, just the right size to curl up on the couch with for an hour or two. Check out this pic, it's the HP Mini 100 Vivenne Tam Edition. Don't you just love this? It's so cute!

(Photo courtesy of chipchick.com) If you'd like more info on this tiny computer head over to HP's website.

Ok, so I don't exactly like the way my blog looks. Talk about some boring templates out there. How do all of you with beautiful blogs do it? It must take some skill, that's for sure! I need to look into spiffing this place up....

2009 is the Year of Change!

So we'll have a new president in a couple of weeks. One who ran on the platform of Change, an ideal many people embraced over the course of the last year. Personally, I am hoping for great change in my life this year. I think I am ready, finally, to stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for something good to happen. We only have today - there is no guarantee, no telling what will happen in the future or how long each of us will be here on Planet Earth. One of my greatest challenges this year will be to pull on the reins when I feel myself sliding into the ruts of procrastination, and steer myself back on course.

For example, I wrote this post two days ago, but saved it thinking I would add more to it before posting.....what's my problem? I should just post it already! Haha, I've got a lot to learn....

Back to Work

I went back to work today. No more glorious days of setting my own schedule, pursuing my own interests, feeling well and rested....It's back to working long hours to line someone else's pockets, arranging my life around this job instead of around my personal growth, letting my body, energy and mind atrophy to the point where I'm too drained by the time I get home to do much of anything. After one day back at the grind, I feel brain-dead.

The sad thing is, I'm the one letting things be this way. We all are - for everyone who is unhappy with their job, doesn't feel free to do what they dream of, or wonders why there isn't a better way - it's like this because we let our society be this way. There are many places in the world where people do not have to work so hard or for so many hours, where urgency is defined differently, where mistakes are not the end of the world, but I am not so fortunate as to live in a place like this. Too bad, so sad. I've gotta deal with what I've got, and make changes when and where I can. Hopefully the state of my circumstances will change for the better in the not-too-distant future.

End-of-Week Roundup

Well, everyone, my last week of holiday vacation is about over. See, I took a whole extra week off, in addition to the three days our office was closed for Christmas, and the two days for New Year's. (I'm talking of course about my boring day job here, not my arty aspirations.) I had come to the conclusion that I just needed a break from the job, and since quitting was not really an option - because I live in the real economy-in-the-toilet world and have no savings - I took a week. To get my bearings, to have a good span of time to dedicate towards my art again for the first time in years. To find out if my dreams are in the realm of possibility at all. I've discovered some things in the process that I didn't consider, largely that I HAVE NOT been taking good care of myself. Not in the balanced-meal, basic hygiene type of way - I mean more in the way of having basic compassion for myself. I've been ignoring anything about myself that I didn't want to deal with or that I thought "most people" don't have to deal with. Ignoring the pain in my back and neck instead of stretching and strengthening the muscles. Ignoring my own hunger and satiety signals. Refusing to recognize that everyone has their own pace, and that mine is slower than some - I tend to dawdle - and instead beating myself up mentally for not crossing off nearly as many things on my to-do list as certain people I know.

I've also realized how damn TIRING it is to climb out of a rut! I can be quite unforgiving towards myself. To think that I could just decide to change my routines, and it would happen if my job was out of the equation for a little while. That I could just sit and paint for 8 hours instead of sit in my cubicle and do paperwork for 8 hours, like that's a lateral transition. But it's not! It uses completely different talents and thought-processes, which have kind of atrophied since I was an art student. I felt like I started the week pretty well, made a good amount of progress that first day, then it tapered off over the next couple of days, and by Thursday I was done-in. Exhausted mentally and spiritually (I've been adding daily meditation to my mornings too). So today I had to really focus on self-care, to learn how to feel compassion for ME again.

Oh yeah, I also realized that I stop feeling the art vibe as soon as I get dressed in the morning, because I'm afraid of getting paint on my nice clothes. So, this weekend I will be buying something that will be my "art uniform", paint splatters required.

So really, not the revelations I was expecting.

But good revelations nontheless.

The Wall

Every day
pushing
just a little
bit closer
to the person
I
want to be.

Trying,
striving.
diving in,

Crashing,
thrashing at
that plastic wall.

Each impact
stretching,
fingers raking against:
Torpedos of intent.

Tiring now,
recede until
the next time.

One day the wall
will fall
usunder
and I
will
swim through.
_________________________

It really is tiring, trying to break bad habits and pick up new ones. I've got this mental picture of what it would be like - I mean, seriously ask me what my perfect day in my perfect life would be - and it's so far from the way I've been living. I know I'm making headway here, but it feels like I'm running at a snail's pace - where are my instant results that this society has taught me I should expect??? Hahaha.... At least I am keeping my sense of humor, quirky as it may be :-)

works in progress

This morning I took stock of the pieces I've been working on in the last month or two. Turns out I had more that are close to completion than I thought! I consider these all to be experiments, since I'm trying to find my "voice" as an artist. I find that when it comes to collage or pencil, I tend to go for calmness even if the elements of the image aren't necessarily calm, whereas when I'm painting I choose pure, bright color. Here's a few pics I snapped this morning of my work and my tiny workspace (Ikea table, only 2 feet by 2.5 feet! I "borrow" the kitchen table quite a bit.)

Hi, my name's Christy....

Here's a little background on me: I've always wanted to be an artist, I even majored in it at college for a time, but never really "got there." I'm sure there are several factors at play - lack of support from my immediate circle; I was already working full-time when I was a student and besides my priorities were way out of whack back then; a certain amount of laziness and procrastination, not to mention a complete lack of belief in myself - I could go on. Suffice to say, it's something that's been gnawing away at the back of my conscious all these years. The urge to create, to get the ideas in my head out there on the paper. Not to force my vision upon others, but to bring it into the physical so that I can see it more clearly myself. There are few things that make me happier than a beautiful piece of art, or even a not-so-pretty piece that gets inside my head and makes me think.

I've learned this past year that as long as I keep fighting my dreams to be what others expect me to be, what "makes sense," I will continue to be miserable. If I want to truly be happy, which I do, I need to be fully myself. I could continue on in this world just trying to get through, like millions of people do, just keep working at jobs I don't really want to make not really enough money to afford what I want and dull my brain with tv and celebrity news and shopping and all the other drugs of the masses, and be unfulfilled and unhappy. Or, I could take the risks, strive for what I dream, take the odds of failing and having to concede and go back to working at jobs I don't really want, etc., and be unhappy because I failed. Either way, end result being the same, at least in the second scenario I tried. And, what if, just what if, in the second scenario, I don't fail? I have to hold onto that hope.

So, this year, I am working toward my dream. Wish me the best!

Happy New Year!

Ok is it weird that one of my new year's resolutions is to start a blog? I wasn't even going to do resolutions this time around....why set myself up for something that the odds are stacked against? The whole tradition of them is all about how they usually don't stick, right? Well....maybe I shouldn't consider this or anything else a resolution then. Let's be positive here for start! I'll call them intentions....how new-agey is that? This is my declaration to express myself more in 2009. Here's to the ride....Cheers!