End-of-Week Roundup

Well, everyone, my last week of holiday vacation is about over. See, I took a whole extra week off, in addition to the three days our office was closed for Christmas, and the two days for New Year's. (I'm talking of course about my boring day job here, not my arty aspirations.) I had come to the conclusion that I just needed a break from the job, and since quitting was not really an option - because I live in the real economy-in-the-toilet world and have no savings - I took a week. To get my bearings, to have a good span of time to dedicate towards my art again for the first time in years. To find out if my dreams are in the realm of possibility at all. I've discovered some things in the process that I didn't consider, largely that I HAVE NOT been taking good care of myself. Not in the balanced-meal, basic hygiene type of way - I mean more in the way of having basic compassion for myself. I've been ignoring anything about myself that I didn't want to deal with or that I thought "most people" don't have to deal with. Ignoring the pain in my back and neck instead of stretching and strengthening the muscles. Ignoring my own hunger and satiety signals. Refusing to recognize that everyone has their own pace, and that mine is slower than some - I tend to dawdle - and instead beating myself up mentally for not crossing off nearly as many things on my to-do list as certain people I know.

I've also realized how damn TIRING it is to climb out of a rut! I can be quite unforgiving towards myself. To think that I could just decide to change my routines, and it would happen if my job was out of the equation for a little while. That I could just sit and paint for 8 hours instead of sit in my cubicle and do paperwork for 8 hours, like that's a lateral transition. But it's not! It uses completely different talents and thought-processes, which have kind of atrophied since I was an art student. I felt like I started the week pretty well, made a good amount of progress that first day, then it tapered off over the next couple of days, and by Thursday I was done-in. Exhausted mentally and spiritually (I've been adding daily meditation to my mornings too). So today I had to really focus on self-care, to learn how to feel compassion for ME again.

Oh yeah, I also realized that I stop feeling the art vibe as soon as I get dressed in the morning, because I'm afraid of getting paint on my nice clothes. So, this weekend I will be buying something that will be my "art uniform", paint splatters required.

So really, not the revelations I was expecting.

But good revelations nontheless.